Depressed spouse: What to ask and how to help them

A spouse’s depression can be a difficult and trying time for any marriage. If you’re not depressed, it is easy to underestimate the impact of your depression on the people who love you. If you are one of those loved ones, this article will help get your depression diagnosed and give you some tips on how to help your spouse while they go through it.

What to ask when your spouse is depressed?

Most people who suffer from depression find the symptoms in themselves, and it is important to remember that you can’t ‘fix’ someone else’s depression. However, there are things you can do that will help both of you cope with the challenges ahead:

Ask them about their experience  Depression can be intensely lonely and isolating. Your support is the most important thing you can offer to someone with depression, but if your loved one doesn’t know that they are depressed it might be hard for them to ask for that support.

Instead of asking them ‘how do you feel?’ or ‘do you need anything?’, try asking questions about their experience to show you ‘get it’ without passing judgment on how they feel.

Questions like ‘how bad is your depression?’, ‘what do you find most difficult about living with this?’ or even simply saying ‘I understand that this has been a tough time for you let them know that you’re there and paying attention.

How to help your spouse

Supporting someone with depression is a tough job. Even when you think you’re doing the right thing, it can be hard when they don’t acknowledge or thank you, lash out at you or withdraw from your support.

Here are some tips to make things easier for both of you:

Don’t take their behavior personally

It’s easy to feel hurt or angry when someone you care about withdraws from your support, but remember that it isn’t really about you. Depression is an illness with physiological symptoms, so the way they act or what they say will not reflect how they actually feel about you.

Don’t try to cheer them up

For someone who is depressed, there is no ‘being happy’. When we try to cheer someone up, we usually do things that aren’t particularly helpful for them. Instead of trying to engage them in activities they don’t want to participate in or buying them presents you know they won’t use, why not treat yourself instead?

Ask if there’s anything you can do to help

If you’re not sure where to start, it might be helpful to ask if there’s anything they specifically need your help with. It can be hard for those suffering from depression to think about the future and how they will cope without support. Actually asking what you can do shows that you respect their abilities and acknowledge their efforts and will help them feel more empowered.

Seek professional help

If you are concerned about your loved one or if their depression is severe, persistent, or emerging from a difficult period of life it might be helpful to seek professional help. A family doctor, GP, or psychologist you would find on Washingtoncitypaper.com can give you more information about how to best support your loved one.

Conclusion

The best support you can offer to someone who is depressed is your understanding, patience, and love without judgment. When they are ready for support, ask them about their experience of depression –  it will mean the world to them that you want to understand what they’re going through.